Watching Them Struggle

Hello friends,

Lately, I’ve been sitting with something tender: how hard it is to watch someone we love struggle. Whether it’s a child navigating anxiety, a friend spiraling in grief, or a partner fumbling through their own growth—the instinct to fix, to advise, to step in rises fast.

Why is it so hard to let someone go through something painful?

Because deep down, it stirs something in us: helplessness, shame, fear of not being needed. We confuse loving someone with making things easier for them. But love isn’t control. And help—especially when it’s not asked for—can quietly erode trust.

For me, this shows up in parenting. Like when my 13-year-old daughter flew solo to Europe for the first time this summer. All I wanted to do was comment or remind her of something—but she didn’t need any of it. She didn’t need me. And that stirred a quiet grief I didn’t expect. A letting-go I knew would only grow larger, and more familiar, over time. 

Or now, with my son—who’s facing some pressure at school from another boy who can be a bit of a bully. It’s not easy. I feel the urge to step in: to call the teacher, to confront the other parents, to fix it.
But I also know this moment holds something important. A chance for him to struggle just enough to discover that he is strong. That he is resourceful. And that how he chooses to stand up for himself—whether by involving an adult, asking a friend for backup, or asserting himself directly—needs to come from him.

If I overstep, I might rob him of something far more valuable than comfort:
the knowing, deep in his bones, that he can handle hard things—
and that part of loving him is learning how to let go.

“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.”
— Heidi Priebe

But control doesn’t always wear the mask of parenting.

Sometimes it’s perfectionism.
Or the need for a loved one to “wake up” or “get it together.”
It might show up as analyzing their choices, looping endlessly in our heads about how we would do it, or subtly trying to steer them toward healing on our timeline.

We say it’s concern. But often, it’s attachment in disguise.

Sometimes the most loving thing is not to do more—but to let it be.
To let the moment be uncomfortable without shrinking from it.
To breathe. To trust. To let the river flow.

That moment of pause—that inner softening—is when love and neutrality meet.

Neutrality doesn’t mean indifference.
It means being present without pushing. Compassion without the agenda.
It’s the willingness to be with what is—not what we wish would be.

The truth is, beneath all our helping and hoping, there’s often a quieter plea:

Be different—so I don’t have to sit with my own pain.
And when we can’t bear their struggle, what we’re really turning away from is our own. In that avoidance, love quietly turns into pressure. Presence becomes control.

After the urge to fix fades, these are the questions I’m sitting with:

• How can I lovingly let someone struggle without inserting myself?

• Where do I get stuck in the story of how they “should” be?

• Can I love more from neutrality—not indifference, but calm witnessing?

Upcoming Offerings

• Garden Yoga – Willow Workplace 

  Fridays, October 17 & 24 · 9:30–10:30 AM

  Special Halloween Class – Friday, October 31 · 11:00 AM–12:00 PM 🎃

  Join me in Willow’s beautiful garden for a dynamic, vinyasa style yoga class. Bring layers and your mat. Open to the public, $25 via Venmo or cash or book on Calendly. Free for Willow Members.

• Drop-in Garden Meditation – Willow Workplace

  Tuesday, October 21 · 9:00–9:30 AM

  For beginners and experienced practitioners. Open to the public, $15 via Venmo or cash or book on Calendly. Free for Willow Members.

• Fall Visual Meditation 7 Chakras Class Series (closed)

  The next visual meditation series will start in January. Message me to receive updates about the next series.

• Private Sessions I’m available for 1:1 or group sessions—whether you’re looking to deepen your meditation practice, work through something personal, or create a tailored experience for your team or community. Email me or book here.

• The Grounded Leader Program. A 6-week training program that uses mindfulness to build your own leadership coach in ChatGPT. Reach out if you're curious—I am still piloting it.

• Schedule. Check out the full and updated schedule on my website.

With love and neutrality,
Mathilde

P.S. Garden Yoga has been such a joy lately—cooler air, golden light, and a peaceful group showing up with open hearts. There's something about practicing outside this time of year that feels especially grounding. If you’ve been curious to try it, now’s a lovely time to join us—before winter nudges us back indoors.